Twelve years ago

Twelve years ago tonight I arrived on my parent’s doorstep after a four hour drive over the Continental Divide. Loren was nearly four at the time; I was pregnant with Cassidy, well more than that I was one day overdue with her. The doctors had put me on bed rest at six months when I had walked in to the ER one night at 11 pm with hard contractions and a three year-old in tow . They predicted I would likely go into labor by my 36th week and the team was prepared for an early delivery. Thirty six weeks rolled around and there was no baby. Thirty-seven, nothing. By my 38th week I was randomly calling OB’s from the phone book, begging them to induce me. One doctor was so bold as to tell me his wife was also pregnant and how he understood my plight but that , really, it was best for all involved that I hold on and let Nature take Her course. I hung up on him and jumped down our front steps in hopes of an early delivery. Two weeks later I still had nothing to show for my long waiting game and I hit a wall. The day after my due date my husband was out fishing, yes really, and I looked around myself and thought, “Fuck this. I am so out of here.” I left him a note, packed up Loren and told him we were going for a drive. In my  mind I thought that if we made it to Denver I would simply stop in a hospital and give birth because what was the big deal, I had already done it once. One more time wouldn’t be a big whoop. I figured if we made it past Denver we could stop in Vail or further on as we proceeded in to the mountains. Needless to say when we drove into my parents’ driveway they were more than horrified to see Loren and me.

Every year, on the anniversary of Cass’ Birthday Eve I think of that span of time. The insomnia for months on end. The contractions. The frantic phone calls to random doctors and knowing that on the other end the receptionists would hear my name, roll their eyes and cluck their tongues. I think of the loneliness that drove me from my partner and into a long car ride with a full term baby stewing in my womb and a nearly four-year old singing in a car seat behind me. I think of my mother cutting the umbilical cord, my father arriving with the best pizza on earth just an hour after she came into this world. How she screamed for six straight hours until her stomach was pumped and she finally settled in to sleep with her fists balled up and a frown between her brows. It was such a tumultuous time and followed by a crazy roller coaster of a ride with the most amazing red headed girl on the face of the earth. Cassidy Jane. My most favorite of girls.

On another note, this is a recent song Loren found for me. I am including it because the singer seems different. Unusual. On this evening of one of a kind girls, I think this is a fitting song:

Lisa Mitchell Neopolitan Dreams