Loren will be sixteen in nearly two months. That means that he is well on his way to voting age, he will be able to legally drink in about six years and if he had been super motivated he would be able to drive in just 69 days. Fortunately for me he has shown little interest in driving, so that poses no threat in terms of the possible chaos it could bring to our lives. What he does show an interest in is girls, lately one girl in particular. For blog reasons I will call her Mary. For the last couple of weeks, which if we are being realistic is something like totally three years in Teen Time, I have been hearing about Mary every day. How she is the female half of Loren, she is super cool, kind, smart; the Whole Package. There has just been one little thing, Mary has had a back up pla; she has been eyeing a young lad at a neighboring school, John-Boy. Loren thought he had a good chance with Mary since they go to the same school and share a couple of classes. He has been near to giddy at the thought that sweet Mary would likely soon be devoted to him and only him.
The texts started coming in at about 10:oo am yesterday morning. These were followed by woeful calls. He had a migraine and would I come get him. No I couldn’t, but his father did and then took him to my mom’s house. I got home yesterday and soon realized there was no headache involved; after several minutes of questions it became apparent it was a broken heart. Mary had chosen John-Boy. Fuck. But the thing is that Young Mary wasn’t content enough just to choose John-Boy and shatter Loren’s self-esteem, oh no the bitch continued to text him claiming she had chosen wrongly and would Loren still please adore her. Gag. Me. And now NOTHING in the world could make him return to school. The humiliation. Sadness. Stress. You name it, every mood passed through my first born and on to my lap. To the point where I took away his phone and unplugged his Internet. And he curled up in my bed beside me and sighed for a very long time.
Today I ended up taking a mental health day from work. Coincidentally Loren did the same from school. Three more weeks before final exams and my son has cold feet about school. When I gave him his phone back tonight there were several messages from Mary. She feels bad and wants his continued devotion. Tonight he says he doesn’t need her crap. I hope that is the case. If I had my way she might be subjected to spending an entire school day dressed in something super embarrassing and totally unflattering. But I can’t have my way, instead I have a broken hearted boy who I hope will learn his lesson and not put up with being treated like crap. And who will pull a decent semester out of his back pocket and do well on his finals.
Oh. Actually, hell have no fury like the protective instinct against other women of a mom for the FBS (First Born Son). Unfortunately for mom and son, the Creator has not ever produced a female suitable for FBS in the eyes of Devil-Mom. Worse yet, FBS unconsciously seeks a female is that is an image of Devil-Mom.
Though much progress has been made in the field of Psychology, this relationship dynamic still presents a quandary of such magnitude that will send the coolest counselor running out the door swearing their hair is on fire.
Bird you are right. There will never be a woman good enough for my FBS. I suspect Mrs. P and I would agree on this aspect about our FSB’s, y’all are just so damn special. It almost makes a momma wish her boy liked other boys instead, it seems like it might be more civilized….
Poor Loren! That just breaks my heart on his behalf.