For quite some time now I have been plagued with a near constant feeling that my pulse is going to rocket through my skull while I simultaneously faint from shakiness. Not really a good feeling, and often made worse by the fact that it comes about 20 minutes after eating. Given my history of anxiety and other baggage, this feeling is none too surprising. Since being diagnosed as hypoglycemic I have made efforts to steer clear of the bad foods: rice, popcorn, mostly the fun stuff. And I have. Mostly. But in the last six months or so it has gotten markedly worse, to the point where I even chucked the alcohol in the name of Sweet Jesus and his 40 days of misery. And, wow, did that pretty much suck. But the thing is is that even though I felt somewhat better without the added sugar and alcohol, I still felt like shit. Like I could barely drag my ass up the stairs at night, like I wanted t hide under my drafting table all day and live a silent, sloth life where everything was super slow and nobody made any sudden moves because if they did? Head rush. Hoping I didn’t have cancer of the week, I made an appointment with my doctor but it isn’t for something crazy like wight more weeks. Unless we are super contagious or dying of congenital heart defects it is just too damn hard to get in to see him.
This weekend I spent quite a bit of time on Google exploring celiac disease and wheat allergies and wheat intolerance. I don’t have an MD but it doesn’t take somebody clever to look at my food intake patterns and the time in which I start to feel like shit. From what I read wheat is not my pal. So today I ate healthy things, minus wheat and nearly all dairy. And tonight? I am nearly a different person. I don’t feel like crying at the site of my kids because I know they will see me and a Pavlovian response will register that they need something frm me and they need it NOW. I had energy to make a cake, albeit a gluten free, wheat free mix I picked up at Costco over the weekend. I watched a movie with Cassidy. I let Loren corner me with You Tube videos. All this I did and never once did the thought, “Holy fuck, why are these insane beings dragging me down with their incessant crap? I can’t do this.”, cross my mind. I think there might be something to this no wheat thing. I find it a pain in the ass and more than freakish, but if I can end up feeling better then why the hell not?
Loren’s pick of the day: (And no, I don’t think he is gay for it. I think he is metro and at home with it. So there you go, Bush.) I find it sun and sassy, like a skinny vanilla latte.
