Queen of a thousand diaper changes and a few nose swipes

I can roll with many things gross. For instance fecal matter doesn’t really disgust me. In college I worked at nursing homes to help pay for things once I became pregnant with Loren. (Yes, for some reason my parents were perfectly happy to foot the bill for everything until I announced my unplanned, out of wedlock, pre-graduation pregnancy. And then I finally had to pony up and get a job.) One of my duties on the evening shift was bed check which was really code for changing enormous adult sized diapers. I recall there were about 30 patients on both wings and they were all mine. After I had Loren and returned to school to finish up my degree I aslo worked on an Alzheimer’s unit and a Life Skill Rehab unit, both jobs entailed giant diapers. Since then many of my jobs seem to include “ass wiper” or “shit duty” in their description and, surprisingly, this doesn’t really phase me.
What does get me is phlegm. My god, I would walk a 1,000 miles through a scorching hot desert with a shitty diaper strapped to me like a ball gown before I would willingly go near snot. I hate it. So why do I willingly put myself in positions where I am daily faced with small people and their noses dripping green? I haven’t the faintest idea. I think I forget about the booger season during the summer and secretly hope some vaccine will be implemented and nary a snot ball will again descend from small noses.
Today I was helping put a little boy down for nap who often has a difficult time allowing his body to relax. He tends to be especially phlegm prone and so I usually aim for preparedness with at least six tissues on hand. For some reason I was not on the ball today and he reached up with small, chubby hands coated in sticky dampness and wrapped them around my neck in a boa like hold. More than anything I wanted to shed my skin right there on the sleep mat and run screaming from the school in search of a large vat of bleach, so was my horror. As he relaxed into snores he released a giant sneeze and I felt the splat of warm snot flick across my cheek. If I could have wept right then and there, I would have. Needless to say I went straight for the shower upon returning home. I love those kids something fierce but is it too much to hope for full body shields during booger season?