Being a single mom has kicked my butt lately. Sure, it’s pretty easy to land a foot in my large behind on any given day but having a teen is giving me an ulcer. My anxiety is back in full force and I just never know where things are going to lead from day to day. No, Loren isn’t bad. He isn’t doing drugs or knocking up girls. At least not that I know of. But he is just so damn moody and sooooo much maintenance. I have long known that Cassidy will be a nightmare on hormones when she reaches her teens, mostly because she has been 16 since she was born. But Loren? No. Didn’t see it coming. Loren can start the day off happy only to have it turn all to shit just because the weather isn’t right. He got a 3.0 this quarter, a huge upturn from the F in science from last quarter, but then his teachers emailed me that he is just barely hanging on to his good grades and that he can slip back into the murky pool of mediocrity with any moment. There is no stable ground with a teenage boy and, frankly, it’s a raging pain in the ass.
Below is a collage from the X-Games in January. It was a happy day and one I reflect upon when the voices in my head tell me to walk to the corner store for a pack of smokes and a long walk to the subway. I would be sorely tempted to listen keenly to those words of wisdom except that we live eight miles from the store, I don’t smoke and my Catholic guilt would quickly oust my anxiety were I ever to leave the brats. Oh, and there are no subways in Colorado. But despite all that, the picture of Loren receiving his award is one of my all time favorites. The smaller ones are of various tricks he did in his competition, And the one of Cass and Devon are from when we were celebrating at the restaurant afterwards. They were so caught up in the glow of their brother’s happiness. It all worked and felt so good.