Holy eff, I might actually be taking a step now

Today I made a move so bold that it shook even my small, inadequate foundation of belief in myself. I might have mentioned in my New Year’s post that I had a goal of marketing some of my stuff on the vastness of the Internet. Knowing that those foolish words were somewhere “out there” haunting me with their niggling taunts, I actually set up a Cafe Press account a couple of days ago, but so great was my anxiety after the process that I had to step away from my laptop so that I could just breathe in and out for at least 48 hours before I took the next step.
Yesterday afternoon I called my winter job and informed them that my face is now so crusty and puss covered that I just couldn’t come in today. So faced with the knowledge that I had to something today to make amends for my lack of income, I thought I might check in on my new virtual store to see if somehow the Marketing Fairy had answered my prayers and uploaded all my images for me. The lazy bitch hadn’t and so while Devon was watching Cars for the 786th time, I uploaded an image. Yes, that’s right. Out of the nearly 98 images I have on my laptop I decided to over achieve and start with the one. So now not only do I have a shop on Cafe Press but it actually contains a few items. Sure they are all the same design right now. But my anxiety over creating that one image has been so great that I can barely sit still. I would love to upload the other images, truly I would. But, oh, what if I were to actually succeed with this? My god, then I would be somewhere and have to keep moving on that path, and then? Holy fuck, the inertia would be enough to do me in completely. It is far easier simply to paint, scan everything and hide it all in my laptop where I can view the pictures and imagine them on shirts or mugs and the like. But to have them out there? I can sniff the small smell of success and that’s just too damn much.