A couple of weeks ago I spent the better part of a Sunday filling out medical forms and spitting saliva into vials and poking my fingertips for blood samples which I then labeled with times and the date. Ew. The next day I dropped the whole package in the mail and promptly forgot about the process until today when I got a phone call. The spitting and form filling were to determine what the hell is wrong with me. Sure I’m a bitchy, chronically tired hag but the question has been why. Am I just inherently a bitch? Or is there a medical reason for my constant need to crawl under any sort of fabric resembling a blanket in order to find some peace from the world? Turns out it is not entirely a character flaw but rather an imbalance of sorts in my body.
Ever since my breakdown in September I have been on a regime of herbs housed in various capsules and goos. A nutritionist/herbalist/guru sort of person who has been working with my mother, and toning down her inner bitch from a scary Miatch to something that could be described as a funky, eccentric more mature sort of granny type, recommended a combination to help me ease my ass out of bed and back into some sort of productive human being/mom type. For the most part it has worked but apparently I am out of whack in a deep inner sort of way. Thus the spitting and finger poking from a couple of weeks ago that led to the phone call today. Good news and bad news.
The good news? I am not a bitch to the core. Maybe down to the muscular level but not all the way to the cellular level. Bad news? (although I am thinking of it as informative news so as to find a silver lining in it all) I am perimenopausal. Yep. That’s right. At age 37 I am looking old age in the eye and, against my better judgment, trying to embrace it. Here’s the lowdown: Estrogen? Don’t have any. Progesterone? Not much of that either. DHEA? Nope. Testosterone? Nope, not enough to be a chick or a dude. Sex drive? No clue, I live with my mom and I don’t think a guy has looked my way in about, mmmmm, far too long. Menopause is something for old women. Women with saggy breasts and whiskery chins, at least that is what I have always thought. How is it that Demi Moore and Madonna are talking about having kids way into their 40′s and I am looking at hormone cream to spread on my cellulite? Sure, my breasts have taken up residence closer to my belly button than I would like to admit and my chin hairs are more numerous than I would like to acknowledge. But menopause???? Fuck. That’s harsh. But not as harsh as the next bit of news regarding my health/sanity. My nutritionist/huru-guru told me, “Heather, now don’t let the premenopausal label freak you out. You’ve had your tubes tied, lost your father, left your home and husband/partner in the last 18 months, this is all pretty much to be expected. But I am concerned about is your hefty case of hypoglycemia. Girl, you’re not diabetic but you’ve got to make some changes. No more snuggling up with rice or pasta. Ever. Again. Carbs are not your friends. It is all about the protein, honey.”
While I was still thinking about getting old I was informed there would/could be no more rice or pasta in my life. Ever. Okay. I have no man or sex in my life. I live with my mother. I have a teen ager and a three year-old and now I can’t have rice or pasta????? WTF???? Where is the justice in it all? Sure, five small meals per day and a steady diet of lox is in my future, but no pasta? I can still have the random glass of red wine so there is a deity somewhere in the universe. But fuck, no pasta, no rice. I prefer to stick with the pre-menopausal/old woman thing than to think of a world with no rice or pasta.
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Oh SHIT.
I thought I was peri @ 36 too. My birth mother told me she hit it early. I went in for tests and they all came back “normal”. Turns out it was mainly side effect from my meds. Whooooo hooo.
But shit! Hypoglycemia? The South Beach diet might be a good fit for you – NOT like you need to “diet” – just because it’s high protein, high veg, and healthy.
Dang. DANG. Kids live on carbs. Well shit. They can adjust, right? And maybe the change in diet will help you feel better. I hope it will.
(((Heather)))
It’s not forever. You can still have a bit of brown rice with a meal. Think of carbs as condiments. Once you get stronger and healthier you will be able to add more. I am in the same boat to a certain degree and am trying to stay away from gluten as well as carbs but I slip up A LOT. I do know that I feel SO much better when I am being good. GOod luck to both of us!!
Cheers, Shelagh
I had my thyroid and blood checked over the summer, but I don’t think they were checking for perimenopause. Considering that our ruts look so very similar, I wonder if a call to the doctor isn’t out of line…
when did your mom go through menopause? They say we usually follow in our mother’s footsteps. Maybe all the stress, etc. has brought it on earlier than normal. Please don’t let it discourage you. You’ve got the kids. You’re still a sexy woman, don’t forget that. We all are sexy women, up until the very end.
My mom went through it later but she never had her tubes tied. So that could be throwing me off kilter. We are all sexy women! I tend to forget that angle in my current life but it is so true! Thanks, Teri!