Damn it’s hard to be so effing neurotic

A few days ago I joined the local Chamber of Commerce club, this is partly because the membership person is a dear friend but also because I really need to do this. I am not sure if I have mentioned this here on Caloden but I have a line of greeting cards. Yes, in this day and age of green whoo-ha-ha I am all about killing more trees just so I can showcase my art. The thing about it all is that when I have made minimal efforts with my cards I have great results. But I am very much a go in spurts rather than an every day consistency girl so once I have some results I rest on my broad ass and think about my success until I have to again make the effort. So to keep my ass slim and trim for minimal resting enjoyment I joined this group and now have to put my efforts where my mouth is, or something like that.
Tonight was the monthly evening party in which a local business hosts an after hours party and 600 members of the organization convene to network, drink wine and make smiles. I didn’t mention before that my mother also joined the club for her photographs, she is an amazingly talented photographer even in this day and age of digital mindlessness, but opted not to go tonight. What crap. So I was resigned to go alone. My last effort at socializing alone was fairly disastrous but I was hoping tonight would be better. And it was, sort of. I met my friend who recruited me at the door and she helped me sign in and then set me off to network. I grabbed a glass of wine and set out to smile and sparkle, and I did for about 19 minutes. I met people, shook hands, handed out my business card and explained that yes indeedy I was all about greeting cards. And then? In the 20th minute the panic set in. I started looking for the closest exit where my friend was not stationed. I turned in my glass of wine and made a run for it. I got to my car as my lungs closed in and the panic hit full on. Twenty minutes was not a great show but at least I didn’t start hyperventilating in the party.
So I have to do this again next month and the next because this part of this whole membership thingy. Fuck, I will have to learn to deal with it. Tonight was not a total loss, before my sort of melt down I did have several people ask me to bring my cards by their businesses so that they could carry them for the holidays. Good things could come of this if I can only learn to breathe. Just breathe.