97 seconds, that is how long I would like to sit on my ass

Holy Christ on a stick. No matter how many glasses of raw milk and eggs I drink, this day would have kicked my ass something fierce. For this was the day of parent teacher conferences for both Loren and Cassidy. I am quickly learning that this day means an entirely different thing in a mainstream school than it did at Waldorf. Fuck if these people don’t mean some serious-ass business at their conferences.
Loren’s conferences started at 1:00 this afternoon. I have been checking the mail all week looking for his report card; another first for us since Waldorf had none of these, just a pretty portfolio/bound book at the end of the school year. This afternoon I stopped by the high school office to inform Lee the Office Lady that we had not received Loren’s report card and she looked at me in her oh-so-efficient way and led me to a pile of papers that were the grades. Noting my confusion, she simply handed my a stack of papers labeled with Loren’s name and began explaining the most bizarre series of grids and graphs I have ever seen. What the fuck is with the standard based stuff anyway? Finally, after something like ten pages, we came to the letter grades and the horror sunk in. Yes, 3 B’s, 3 C’s and a big ole F. I was missing those pretty Waldorf portfolios.
Next I went to wait outside various doors to chat with Loren’s teachers. Deciding to get the worst over first, the F, I stopped by the science teacher’s room. This guy looks as though he is 19 and I tried not to feel all old and wrinkly while we discussed the typical, “Golly, I don’t understand. I thought for sure Loren would be among the top three in my class based on the way he talked the first day of school. I am shocked he is failing my class.” Blah, blah, blah. What? He isn’t living up to his potential? Reallllly? Mr. Smith the Science Teacher and I discussed a number of ways to help Loren improve his grade and then I moved on to history, then English, math and guitar. Same dance, same chat, same, same, same.
Needless to say Loren and I had a long discussion when we got home. Lucky for me my diet of raw foods and intake of herbs and goos has left me less inclined to open a can of whoop ass, I am far more even keeled than I was several weeks ago. I didn’t scream, there were no threats. It turns out Loren does have a JImmeny Cricket of a conscience for his academics. He was ashamed for not living up to his potential, which for a kid like him is easily all A’s and a B in science. He understands that I will confiscate his computer keyboard and he can earn it back with good school efforts.
Tonight I had another set of conferences with Cassidy’s teachers. Could anything be more opposite from Loren’s reports? Apparently she is winning fifth grade. Hands down she is kicking some serious ass on the other 10 year-olds. Her teachers simply could not shut up about how amazing she is. I sat there with a smile pasted to my face as I nodded my head up and down during the praises of Cassidy. It was lovely and I am so proud for her and happy for her easy adjustment in to a mainstream school. She was beaming and couldn’t soak enough of the attention.
Now I just want to crawl in to bed and forget this day. Forget the grades, the standards and chit chatting with all of these damn teachers. I fully respect what they do but I have had enough for one day, I just want to get the hell away from them all. Good thing Devon’s preschool conference isn’t until tomorrow. Thats is when I have to rip in to his teachers about the fact that little Jack keeps scratching Devon and making him bleed. Should be fun.