Today is Father’s Day. As with every day since June 1st, I woke up and forced myself to slowly breathe in and then even more slowly beathe out. Because if I wake up and inhale too fast, I have a hard time breathing out again. Today was no different except that it was a day for fathers and I no longer have one of those. He is gone. He died.
In three days it will be a year since my dad died. Deep down I know that he won’t be showing up from some year long safari and share his adventures over a glass of wine. We won’t laugh while he tells of us of his last 365 days. We won’t hug and tell him how glad we are that he is home. We can’t because he is never again coming back.
I miss my father so much. I wish I had another Father’s Day to tell him that I love him and how grateful I am that he was my father. I wish I could hug him and feel that feeling of absolute security. I wish that this reality was other than what it is.