As we muddle through this first hoiday without my father, we find joy along the way. Everday we cry and wish circumstances were different, but having the laughter of the children helps to heal.

Next year, when December first rolls around I am going to try to remember December 22 from this year. Why? Well, because I will recall how much it absolutely sucks and how I wish I was anywhere but here. I will remember that snow is cold and hurts my feet. I will remember shlepping orchids [...]

Six months can be so very long and yet it can go in a blink of an eye. In the last six months I have learned that for so long I have taken most everything in my life for granted. On the one hand I had little faith in most things, but on the other [...]

Tonight Cassidy had her holiday (can’t say Christmas lest we offend one group or another) pageant. It is something a parent should cherish and eagerly anticipate. But me? I dread these fucking things. Not only will I be forced to sit next to the parents of the most Psycho Child Ever, I will have [...]

For the past few years, since I resigned from the world of whoring for mortgage rates, I have been helping my dear friend get fancy homes ready for famous people who flock to the mountains for Christmas and New Year’s. It is a bizarre gig that flummoxes me every year. On the one hand it [...]

Sometimes the happiness that inhabits much of my days is so heavily laced with grief and pain for my father that I would like nothing more than to crawl into a corner and hide there for the next two weeks. But I look at their faces and I hear their giggles and I feel compelled [...]

It is only December 13 and I am not quite sure I can last through this madness. It was all okay until about 6 p.m. this evening. That is when my brother arrived for what is supposed to be just a few days. But I know better. I know he’ll roost his ass here until [...]

I like to think that I am a fairly level headed mother. Afterall, I have three hellion kids, ranging in ages from 13 to 2. They all attend different schools that have different starting and ending times, and they each have different teacher in-service days. None of them have any skills in keeping track of [...]

December is a month of happenings and memories. When you are moving on from something completely heartbreaking, it is a time of tears and deep breaths. It seems that everywhere we turn right now, there are reminders of exactly where we are. And where we are in my house is a place that is alternately [...]

I can never accuse Mia of being humdrum. Wednesday was her 64th birthday. Although I still think of her as 36, my age, she grows older every year. It was a bitter sweet day on her birthday. It was a matter of actually having made it almost 6 months without my father, but that was [...]