Yes, I am going to talk about my father -again

One of the most difficult thing about dealing with my father’s passing is getting through the time period between 5:12 p.m. and 5:46 p.m. The afternoon of his death he called my mom at 5:12 to tell her he was done working and was going for a bike ride. She and I were at our friend’s house feeding our chickens at the time so he left a voice message. The message is still on the machine because nobody can bring themselves to erase it. He encountered his court reporter in the parking lot a little after 5:30 and told her he was going for a bike ride. About 15 minutes later he collapsed and died, almost insantly. I used to dread that time every day during the first couple of months. A day does not pass when I don’t look at the clock during that 30 plus minutes, but I no longer sit and wait out the entire time -except on the anniversary date.
Last night at about 5:15 Loren came into the dining room and asked if he could borrow one of his Pop’s ties to attend a Bat Mitzvah for the next today. My mother looked at him with grateful tears in her eyes and went up to the closet to retrieve some of my father’s ties. My father wore a tie to work every day of his life so he had a fairly decent collection. Loren had always admired the collection; my father would often show Loren any new ones he had bought when in Denver on business. Loren and Cass both had friends over for the night and the tie show was quite hit with all of them. We sat and talked about our memories of Pop wearing the various ties. Some of them we had given him, others he had picked outon his own. We realized that none of us really knew exactly how to tie a tie and had good fun fumbling through the process.

After the tie expo I went outside for a walk and had a long chat and a cry with my dad. There are times when I can’t fathom that he is gone, that there or just remnants left of him here with us. It is a loss so great and deep that I can’t ever imagine myself again venturing outside of this safe littlle haven we call The Manor. Here are his memories, his life, his legacy
It turns out that Loren knew exactly which one he wanted before my mother even brought them out. He just wanted to see them all, see the patterns and feel the silk. He wanted to feel a part of his Pop for awhile. This morning my mother ironed Loren’s pants and shirt and then he got dressed in his finery. He refused to do anything about his shaggy hair or his skate shoes. But seeing him in one of my father’s more whimsical ties was absolutely breathtaking.

Loren went off to his party and had a smashing time. He said that all of the girls so loved his attire that they demanded he don the tie even after he had removed it to dance. Cass had a soccer game and scored two goals, as did her little friend Emily. Devon had a great time at the soccer game and an even better time tagging around after Emily and Cassidy. My kids were happy today. I unpacked a few boxes from the townhouse. My mother spent the afternoon with a friend and came home serene. All in all it was a good day.