On duty

The thing about being divorced is that not only do you split your assets and incomes but you also divide your time. While the relief from fighting and living in tension brings new found energies, being alone and on duty 24/7 takes its toll. I love my three children with all of my heart -and then some. But, and there is always a but…I am so drained. I am tired of helping Loren with his homework, dealing with his teachers and trying to figure out ways to help him organize his time. Cassidy’s daily dramas are just too much right now. I can’t keep up with her needs and demands. And the wee one? Love him, I absolutely do. But he is CONSTANT, as in never stopping. And yet they are each so miraculously lovely and beautiful that they steal my breath away with their every movement.

I am looking forward to going to bed tonight. Devon is already tucked in his crib, Loren and Cass will be snug and sleeping by 9:30. Thirty minutes later I will rest my head on the pillow. And then I will cry. I can feel it coming already. It won’t be the sort of despair-I-can’t-function-another-minute cry, it will just be an I-made-it-through-the-day-and-can-do-nothing-other-than-shed-a-few-tears cry. And it will be good and cathartic.