Some days are sprinkled with a few turds here and there, just when you think you are in the clear, you look down only to find a new one squished in your toes. My last few days have been littered with shit mines. For a few hours all will be well and then it seems I walk around the corner and encounter Captain Shit. It mostly has pertained to Cassidy’s health. A couple of weeks ago I was convinced she had an eating disorder. Then last week the doctor, not our regular one, thought she had a bladder infection. Now an ultrasound later we know her kidneys and liver work fine but she needs a CT scan to see if she has kidney stones.
I know it isn’t all about me, but I honestly feel as though I am just now finally emerging from the aftermath of Devon’s heart mess when he was nine weeks old. The thought of going through the hospital thing again is just too much. It left me paralyzed for much of yesterday, so much so that I went to my mother’s house, tucked Devon in for a nap and then went to her bed, aka The Mother Ship, for a nap of my own. When Devon had his surgery he didn’t know what was going on, but Cassidy is another story. And I don’t know if she even needs surgery. Furthermore, I am wondering if it is all my fault. She has been complaining off and on for years that her tummy hurts. Sometimes I didn’t even believe her because, well she’s Cassidy and Drama is her game.

This afternoon, in an attempt to quiet the noise in my head and give her a fun afternoon, we went to the park with a frined of hers. We filled up water balloons, had a super soaker fight and climber trees. The girls and Devon ran around, rolled in the grass and laughed. I have decided that if we have to go through another round of hospital craziness or spend many visits trying to discover the origin of the blood in Cass’s urine, we are still going to live life and find the laughter in our afternoons.