Bipeds

Some days are merely a test of wills wherein the last man standing is the strongest. Today I am still upright, but it is only because the toddler goes to bed at 7 p.m.
Why is that toddlers are so content in creating and existing in chaos? Why does he have to open every closed door and fling it back as far as possible on its hinges? Conversely, all open doors must be slammed at once in order to ensure peace in his twisted little universe. Magazines on the coffee table? Bills or papers on the dining table? Those are best when thrown to the floor and stomped upon of ripped into many pieces. The broom in the pantry obviouly belongs on the couch. Today I came down from a bubble bath only to find a roll of aluminum foil -missing the box- tucked under the pillow on my computer chair. And the plunger was underneath the desk. Other items under the desk” the Tinky Winky doll, three shoes -none of them matching-, my cell phone, diaper wipes -minus their container and miscelaneous items of silverware. Apparently he had created quite a fort with his father while I was bathing.
He will kill me.